I've posted before about styles I don't like in the fashion world: boxy tops, for example. But most of the time, with most things, I can understand why someone else would wear them. I have enough imagination to realize the aesthetics appeal to a style preference or body type not my own. Long and lean with a boxy top and geometric draped skirt = super chic. And super impossible for me to wear! But I get it. Even something like a baby-doll dress I can see some skinny young thing rocking in a Gothic Lolita way. Or the lead singer of a grunge band doing it all plaid.
But there are things that, no matter how far my imagination stretches, Fashionable Reader, I just don't understand. Here they are...
1. Chanel Number 5
It stinks. And by that I don't only mean the cost and the bottle and the advertising, I mean the smell. It's awful, this chemical pseudo-flowery scent. Inevitably, I'm trapped on a plane next to some elderly female who has doused herself in the stuff. Only two perfumes smalls worse: Pleasures & Sunflowers. I will actually gag when I smell either of those.
2. Baby Powder
It's commonly substituted for other more expensive powder products. Plain old talc powder or baking soda usually works just as well and doesn't make you reek like a baby. It's the association: once I smell baby power I think diapers. And who wants that?
3. Square Manicures
Why? Especially French Tip square. The fingers look so sad and stubby and blunted. And fake. And early 90s.
4. EOS Lip Balm
I get that the containers are super cute, and the flavors are somewhat unique, but in the end it's just an overpriced fruity lip balm. In my case, I tried it and had an allergic reaction, so I'm doubly wary. But it seems to be everywhere right now.
5. Aviator Sun Glasses
Why would you want your eyes to look down-tilted and bug-like? Plus the metal frames are less comfortable and get caught in your hair when you shove them up on your head.
6. Super Skinny Models
I'm not going to get into the politics of it, frankly, it simply looks weird, skeletal, and sad to me. Runway models, in particular, I'm often wincing at the angles and the hip bones and the emaciation. It's not pretty.
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7. Lavender Anything
I've blogged before about my dislike of lavender (not the color the scent and - such as it is - flavor). The smell reminds my of house-bound ancient ladies. If I ever wrote a horror novel the setting would smell of rot and lavender.
8. Bathing Suit Prints
Everything else may be geometric and stylish, pastels, deco influenced, black & white chic and then... bathing suit season rolls around and all bets are off. The most ugly, unpleasant, garish, and loud prints are everywhere and for some reason totally acceptable. Why? Why must this be? Yes I know there's usually a black option, or a nautical stripe, or some dots, if you're lucky. But those are few and far between. Why buy and wear colors and prints in a bathing suit that you wouldn't be caught dead in any other item of clothing?
9. Wedding Dresses
I understand the pressure, or at least, I can imagine it. But why are so many so ill suited to the female figure, not to mention style and comfort? Let's start with strapless. I've yet to see a bride in a strapless gown who wasn't always tugging up the bodice ~ twitchy and self conscious. And let's talk color. There are many forms of white: pure, winter, ivory, cream, ecru, off-white, blush. Few complexions look good in true white. It's like red lipstick, the shade really does have a huge impact. Sigh. I won't event start on the fit. I'm coming over all Conrad on you, "The horror, the horror!"
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